An Open Letter to My Narcissistic Ex

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Written by an anonymous contributor in the United States, not a client nor anyone located in the state of California. Any similarities to client stories or contacts are purely a function of how narcissistic personalities happen to work. Manipulation, gaslighting, and other tactics are common, which is why parts of this content are likely to resonate with readers throughout California, the United States, and beyond. If you would like us to share your story anonymously, please contact us privately for consideration. Not all requests will be responded to, and contacts with blog post content will not be considered counseling inquiries.

Thank you for your understanding and for reading.

You Told Me at the Beginning that You Were Emotionally Unavailable.

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“Ruined” for all other women by your ex from years ago. In fact, we even both commented about you having “narcissistic traits” and you said you’ve been told that before. That wasn’t a problem for me. Seriously. I was using you for sex. You knew that. I knew that. It was a clearly defined relationship. So, let’s be crystal clear here: I’m not mad. I’m not shocked. That’s not what this letter is about. It’s about almost 3 years of doing life together and the way you decided to end things.

The choices made along the way. And, the lessons learned moving forward. Not lessons for you, of course…no one can teach you anything. You’ve known it all since you were in elementary school, or so you believe. Smarter than everyone around you. Never letting anyone have the upper hand, lest you get hurt. Or, embarrassed. No, these lessons are for me and others like me. The ones left in the wake of a narcissist, trying to figure out what to take from that experience and how to make meaning moving forward.

Some Thoughts After Our Breakup, In No Particular Order…

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For someone who spends his life around kids, you sure know nothing about them and have learned nothing from them. Kids have an amazing capacity to love and cherish and forgive and choose to see the best in people because that’s simply who they are. You, on the other hand, choose to write your own story, your own narrative, and pepper in the details that are convenient to you. Seemingly with no regard for the impact of those around you. You assume, instead of asking, and then act upon those assumptions, rather than gathering more information in order to make an educated decision to move forward.

Do You Honestly Think That Being With You Was “the Most Fun” My Kids Could’ve Had the Night We All Hung Out?

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Bullshit. They would’ve had just as much fun laying in bed with me and snuggling and watching a movie because I am their safe space. It’s not about you. It’s never been about you. Sure, you are fun. But, when that’s all they have to anchor to, it’s a weak anchor. You will lift them right out of their lives. And, that’s exactly what you’re going to do now. I wish I could’ve kept them from the potential damage of misplaced and mismanaged expectations, because of your comments like “when you’re in college…“, Or “we’ll discuss this when you’re older“.

It’s a bold and ballsy thing to assert to young children when you already knew full well that you were going to be making the decision to stop talking to me. But, I will not only clean up the fallout, as I do so well because I am the rock, but I will also create space for learning and growth around boundaries and expectations. Honestly, it’s the type of learning and growth I wish you had growing up. Maybe, you would’ve never been in a position to do this in the first place. Perhaps, if you had been taught no, given the gift of boundaries and healthy communication, you wouldn’t be 49 forever single, and utterly alone, or surrounded by people who you think love you. An emotionally stunted 17-year-old, who spends his time, literally all of his time, playing games. Fuck off, Coach. You never deserved this.

Begin Working with a Therapist Whose Goal is Empowering Women in Orange County, CA

When you have a narcissistic ex, it can feel like you’re stuck in a seemingly never-ending cycle of drama and hurtful words. Having a women’s therapist in Orange County, CA who’s goal is to help you feel empowered, seen, and heard can be incredibly beneficial in helping you find your voice and heal. At Moxie Family Therapy, our therapists are here to help you move on from your past with your narcissistic ex and create a brighter future for yourself. To start your therapy journey with Moxie Family Therapy, please follow these simple steps:

Other Therapy Services Offered at Moxie Family Therapy

At Moxie Family Therapy, we understand that every woman’s journey is unique, and dealing with a narcissistic ex may require other types of counseling. In addition to Counseling for Women, Moxie Family Therapy also offers a variety of therapy services online and in-person at our Orange County, CA-based practice. We offer counseling for young adultschildren, women, teens, and couples. Additionally, we offer therapy for therapists, clinical supervision, adoption therapy, art therapy, and play therapy. Our team is also happy to support the LGBTQ+ community. Contact us today and learn how we can help you reclaim your moxie.

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