A Letter to My Narcissistic Parent

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Written by an anonymous contributor in the United States, not a client nor anyone located in the state of California. Any similarities to client stories or contacts are purely a function of how narcissistic personalities happen to work. Manipulation, gaslighting, and other tactics are common, which is why parts of this content are likely to resonate with readers throughout California, the United States, and beyond. If you would like us to share your story anonymously, please contact us privately for consideration. Not all requests will be responded to, and contacts with blog post content will not be considered counseling inquiries. 

Thank you for your understanding and for reading.

For as Long as I Can Remember, You Were Never Trustworthy…

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As a child, I grew up knowing to not seek you out. You would react in anger and frustration, usually blaming me for your own emotional outbursts. Or, if I was hurt, you would minimize my feelings, denying that something happened or that I was right to feel the way I did. The exact phrase you would use was, “Is it bleeding? No? Then, it doesn’t matter.” It was as if I could never get through to you, and nothing I did was ever good enough.

Because that’s how it was with you. You were never trustworthy a parent, and I learned from a young age to do whatever I could to avoid your wrath. From being quiet as a mouse as you pretended to be asleep on the couch so that you could yell at me if I made too much noise. However, you were never at fault.

It Was My Fault, and I Was the One Who Had to Learn.

It’s funny. I don’t ever remember feeling emotionally attached to you. Then I remember, you weren’t completely a part of my life. I was a product for you to show off and be proud of, but it wasn’t a two-way relationship. I was there when you wanted to pretend to be the perfect parent, but gone when the show was over. I learned early on that I was just there to fulfill your personal goals and desires, not because of any real love or connection.

I can’t say it didn’t hurt me, because it did. What really hurt is there was no way out and no one to turn to. My other parent was bound by the rules of the court that you had so cunningly maneuvered through. You were a master manipulator, and I was just the pawn in your game.

So, What Did I Do? I Learned to Adapt.

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I learned how to maneuver your outbursts and blame. You were never at fault for your behavior, so I had to quickly learn how to stay out of your crosshairs. It wasn’t always easy. I have been at the receiving end of your emotional outbursts and manipulation tactics for as long as I can remember. Even though I stated the facts or the truth, it was never enough. You were always ready with a rebuttal or story to deny my feelings and experiences.

All of them were lies and they only got more intricate as I proved them wrong with facts. But, I was determined to get out of your grasp and heal on my own terms. I didn’t want to be like you. I didn’t want to be around you. I didn’t and I don’t want you in my life.

Your Reign of Tyranny Is Over.

Even though you still find ways to try to control and manipulate me, I am stronger now. I have blocked you on all social media. I don’t speak to you. I also have made it very clear that your reign of tyranny is over. You know that my reasons are just even though you feign ignorance. I get it. Self-preservation and all. It’s easier to pretend to be the victim. That you were and still are the perfect parent and I was and still am the one who is the problem.

But I know the truth. You are not a perfect parent. You never were. Everything you do is out of self-interest, manipulation, and notoriously, narcissism. You want to be the center of attention no matter what. And it doesn’t surprise me that you are still trying to make it all about you, even though I’ve been out of your grasp for years now.

Your narcissism has taken a toll on me, but I have grown and learned to deal with it in an effective way. I will not be bulldozed over and my boundaries will not be crossed. I am no longer the scared little girl you could control with your lies and manipulation. Even though I didn’t want to be complicit in your agenda, I was forced to adapt and survive. But guess what? I did. I survived. All the attempts to take credit for my success, belittle me, and undermine my accomplishments – it’s over.

I am Strong, Independent and I Have a Voice.

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Much to your dismay, you’ve heard it. I have used it against you and I won’t stop. I want you to know that I am strong and independent. I also have a voice now. You can spout lies, and you can try to control me, but you will no longer succeed. Your reign of tyranny is over.

I may not have a father, but I’m glad I don’t have you. I’m proud of who I am and all that I’ve accomplished despite the lingering effects of your narcissism. It hasn’t been easy but I’m free. And that’s all that matters.

Interest in Working with a Therapist Whose Goal is Empowering Women in Orange County, CA?

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can have long-lasting effects on your mental and emotional well-being. This is why having a women’s therapist in Orange County, CA can be the opportunity you need to heal, grow and learn how to create healthy boundaries in your life. At Moxie Family Therapyour therapists are here to help you gain skills to make sure the tyranny of a narcissistic parent is over. To start your therapy journey with Moxie Family Therapy, please follow these simple steps:

Other Therapy Services Offered at Moxie Family Therapy

We understand that each woman has been through a unique journey, and that’s why our therapists at Moxie Family Therapy provide personalized therapy services tailored to your individual needs. In addition to Counseling for Women, Moxie Family Therapy also offers a variety of therapy services online and in-person at our Orange County, CA-based practice. We offer counseling for young adultschildren, women, teens, and couples. Additionally, we offer therapy for therapists, clinical supervision, adoption therapy, art therapy, and play therapy. Our team is also happy to support the LGBTQ+ community. Contact us today and learn how we can help you reclaim your moxie.

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