“At this point in my life, it’s got to be incredible. Otherwise, I’m not interested.”
This is a pretty powerful statement, huh? I heard this from a woman who was in her 50’s, about reconnecting with a long-lost love. She’d lived some life since seeing this man. She had been married with grown kids, divorced, and hadn’t forgotten about him after all this time. This sentiment pretty much summed up the adventure she was willing to embark on to give this old flame a shot. And, it said a lot about her sense of self-worth.
Unfortunately, many of us won’t take that stance on our lives until at least our 40’s or 50’s, if we’re lucky. But, I’m writing this hoping that any younger readers may learn from the wisdom of this empowering statement. And, you may be reading this in your 40’s, 50’s, or beyond. If so, I hope you finally feel like you can give yourself the “permission” to take this stance now. You get to be the director of your life. Denying your dreams is now a thing of the past. You don’t have to settle for less than you deserve, quieting your inner desires, At least, this is my true hope for you!
“It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.” aka: Settling For Less Than You Deserve
How many times have you said “I’m fine.” or, “It’s fine.” But, let’s be honest it’s not fine! Someone may make you think or even believe that you should be okay with what you have. But, does not mean that you have to accept that! You’re allowed to want more. Further, you’re allowed to EXPECT more from people in your life than the bare minimum.
So often, women get the “scraps” and expected to create a masterpiece from them. This is not only unrealistic but also unreasonable. So, we’re made to feel both “lucky for what I have.” But, we also feel anxiety of becoming a “failure” for not creating the masterpiece we think everyone else is creating. What?!? Yes, gratitude is great. Contentment is lovely. But, let us not keep mistaking those for accepting that this is the best there is. Or, that if we actually desire more, we should quiet that desire or dull that feeling.
Quieting Your Inner Desires
As you can see, these tendencies are all tied together. Many women in California and beyond experience these issues. They have felt held back, oppressed, alone, and disempowered by them. We’re built, brainwashed, or bullied into believing that we don’t deserve more than what we have or get. As a result, it only makes sense that we would ignore or temper our inner desires. We ALL have these desires or more, different, or better. Again, even if you are grateful for what is in your life! That is great! Great to be grateful. But, we also should not feel like we have to hush the things that tug at our hearts and minds.
These desires are there for a reason!
Who are we to tell them not to vie for our attention? More important, it’s necessary to explore these feelings not being allowed to want more. A desire to travel, continue your education, expand your family, or make a major life change…these are not bad things! Your core desires and values or upbringing may seem misaligned. But, that is an opportunity to explore what’s actually going on here. Of course, the help of a skilled therapist for women could help!
Denying Your Dreams
In the end, your persistent desires become your dreams. A desire for ice cream one day is a craving. A week of desiring ice cream is PMS. But, a year of desiring to quit your job and open an ice cream parlor with the best, most interesting options for busy professionals in that open space next to your corporate office is a dream! Now, I can’t give you all the best advice for your budding business idea here, but I can encourage you to explore it more!
This does not mean that every dream needs fulfillment.
But, all too often, women tend to kill our dreams before even giving them the time of day. Why not let these dreams develop a little more? Talk them out with someone who is going to support you! Yes, you have a million excuses not to do it. We all do. But, there are also a million reasons to give it a try. It’s not good enough to say, “that’s a fun idea, but I’m fine with where I am right now.” and move along. If that’s what you decide after giving it a fair shake, that’s fine. Yes, fine. But, at least give yourself the gift of honoring your dreams, instead of denying them from the start.
Begin Counseling for Women in Orange County, CA
Living your best life is much harder to do than it sounds. But our caring therapists would be happy to offer support from our Orange County, CA-based therapy practice. We would be happy to support you in directing your life. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
- Schedule a free consultation
- Meet with a caring therapist
- Start listening to your body on a deeper level
Other Services Offered at Moxie Family Therapy
Counseling for women isn’t the only service offered at Moxie Family Therapy. We offer counseling for young adults, teens, children, and couples. We also offer therapy for therapists, clinical supervision, art therapy, and play therapy. Our team is also happy to offer support the LGBTQ+ community. Contact us today and learn how we can help you reclaim your moxie!