On campuses everywhere college students are discovering their newfound independence. They are sharing countless “Are they really into me?” stories and the term narcissist sometimes pops up in these coffee-fueled conversations. More than a suggestion to try the latest latte flavor. But what does being in a relationship with an actual narcissist mean for you?
College students may have been dating for a while. Maybe they’ve even experienced infatuation before, but dating a narcissist is a whole different ball game. It can be confusing, emotionally draining, and even damaging to one’s self-esteem. They can be charming and loving at first, but over time their true colors start to show. So how do you know if your partner is a narcissist? Are you dating one without even realizing it? What do you do if you are?
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. This can manifest in relationships as someone who constantly needs attention and validation. They also tend to put themselves above others and lack the ability to truly understand or care about their partner’s feelings.
However, this term has become more of a buzzword in recent years with the rise of social media and the tendency for people to present their best selves online. It’s important to note that not everyone who exhibits some narcissistic traits is a full-blown narcissist. But now that we have access to information about this disorder it’s easier to spot the signs.
Signs of Narcissistic Behaviors in Relationships
Imagine this: Your significant other always seems to steer the conversation back to themselves, their needs, and their achievements. Does that mean they’re a narcissist? Not necessarily. When this behavior becomes habitual and they constantly put themselves above others, it could be a sign of narcissism. Other warning signs include manipulation, lack of empathy, excessive need for admiration and attention, and inability to take responsibility for their actions. Other signs may include:
- Need constant validation and attention from you.
- Exaggerate their accomplishments and abilities.
- Lack empathy for others, even those close to them.
- Have a sense of entitlement and believe they deserve special treatment.
- Cannot handle criticism or take responsibility for their mistakes.
- Use others for personal gain and have a tendency to manipulate situations.
- Constantly compare themselves to others and seek validation from external sources.
What to Do You Do if You’re Dating a Narcissist?
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh no, I think my partner might be a narcissist,” don’t panic. First and foremost, it’s important to remember that having narcissistic traits does not necessarily mean someone has NPD. This could be how they cope with insecurities or past traumas. It could even be how they were raised. However, if you feel like the relationship is toxic and unhealthy for you, here are some steps you can take:
Recognize and Accept the Red Flags
The first step to addressing any issue is to recognize and acknowledge it. If you’re starting to see red flags popping up in your relationship, don’t ignore them. Be honest with yourself and trust your instincts. Look for patterns of manipulative behavior or lack of empathy in your partner. Don’t brush it off or make excuses for them. This will only enable their actions and harm you in the long run. As college students, there are plenty of resources on campus about healthy relationships and red flags to watch out for. This can look like pamphlets in the counseling center or workshops on campus. Take advantage of these resources and educate yourself on what a healthy relationship looks like.
Set Boundaries and Communicate
Once you’ve recognized the red flags, it’s important to set boundaries with your partner. This means being clear about what behaviors are unacceptable and sticking to them. It also means communicating your feelings and needs calmly and assertively. Keep in mind that narcissists have a hard time accepting criticism, so be prepared for their pushback and stand your ground.
Seek Support
Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and difficult. It’s important to have a support system in place, whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist. They can provide you with the emotional support and guidance you need to navigate this challenging situation. An online therapist in Orange County, CA can also be a great resource if you’re not comfortable seeking help in person.
Be Prepared to Walk Away
If your partner is unwilling to work on their narcissistic behaviors, the relationship may continue to negatively impact your well-being. This might mean it is time to reevaluate the relationship. If the relationship is toxic, it may be best to walk away for your own mental and emotional health. Remember, you deserve a healthy and loving relationship.
What Do Chemical Reactions and Emotional Distress Have to Do with Each Other?
When dating anyone, even a narcissist, there is a newness that is exciting and all-consuming. It’s natural to feel a rush of emotions and chemicals in the beginning stages of any relationship. This can mask red flags or warning signs, making them easier to overlook. Some call this the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship. But just because there is a cocktail of chemicals coursing through your veins doesn’t mean you are handcuffed to the situation.
If you slowly notice that once that shine wears off, the relationship seems to be more about what you can do for them rather than a mutual give-and-take. Or, the great personality you fell for seems to have a mean streak when they feel threatened. Take a moment to realize that is not normal. Don’t let the thrill of a new relationship cloud your ability to recognize and address toxic behaviors. Your well-being should always come first, regardless of the excitement or chemistry you may feel.
Navigating Relationships
Dating in college as college students is where anyone can experience a lot of firsts. First serious relationship, first heartbreak, and maybe even first experience with a narcissist. It might even be your first realization that what works in rom-coms doesn’t always translate to real life. You learn how relationships work with more responsibilities in the mix and more freedom to make your own choices. Alongside this, you learn how to love.
But don’t worry, encountering a narcissist in college doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a string of unhealthy relationships. It’s an opportunity to learn about yourself and what you deserve in a partner. Like acknowledging red flags, acknowledge the green ones too. Instead of constantly putting others above you, prioritize your well-being and happiness. Build strong connections with friends who value and respect you. And most importantly, take time to love yourself and discover your own worth.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “I might need someone to talk to.” That’s more than okay. Seeking help from a therapist or counselor can provide you with the support and guidance you need to navigate any relationship, especially one involving narcissistic behaviors. Whether it’s individual therapy or couples counseling, a professional can help you recognize patterns and develop strategies for communication and self-care. They can also talk with you about utilizing medication to alleviate any symptoms of anxiety or depression.
Therapy for college students in California is a great opportunity for you to work with an online therapist in Orange County, CA. You can learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with difficult relationships and establish a strong foundation for future connections. Or, if you’re recently out of college and seeking support, working with a therapist in Orange County, CA can still provide immense benefits. Remember, your well-being should always come first, and seeking professional guidance is a courageous step toward healing and growth.
As college students, you’re navigating new and exciting experiences, but also facing challenges and making important decisions. Don’t let a toxic relationship hinder your personal growth and mental health. You deserve to be happy. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, support, and communication. Don’t settle for anything less. You deserve the best, and with self-awareness and the right support, you can make empowered choices to create a fulfilling and loving future for yourself.
Work with an Online Therapist in Orange County, CA to Navigate Dating a Narcissist
You’re dating a narcissist — now what? It’s not easy, but you have choices. You’re already taking the first step by recognizing that something isn’t quite right. Now it’s time to prioritize your well-being and take action toward a healthier future. Working with an online therapist in Orange County, CA can provide you with the support and guidance you need to navigate this difficult situation.
At Moxie Family Therapy, we offer therapy for young adults and college students in Orange County, CA to help you build resilience, establish boundaries, and develop healthy relationships. Our caring therapists are here to help you acknowledge the red flags and green ones too, so you can create a life filled with genuine joy and love. We also offer online therapy in Orange County, CA, so you can access support and guidance from the comfort of your own home. To start your therapy journey with Moxie Family Therapy, please follow these simple steps:
- Contact Moxie Family Therapy
- Meet with a caring therapist
- Know What to Do if You’re Dating a Narcissist!
Other Therapy Services Offered at Moxie Family Therapy
At Moxie Family Therapy, we understand that dating at any age can be challenging, especially when narcissistic behaviors are involved. That’s why we offer a range of therapy services to support you in your journey towards healthy relationships and personal growth. We provide a variety of therapeutic approaches online and in-person at our Orange County, CA-based practice. We offer counseling for young adults, children, women, teens, and couples. Additionally, we offer therapy for therapists, clinical supervision, adoption therapy, art therapy, and play therapy. Our team is also happy to support the LGBTQ+ community. Contact us today and learn how we can help you reclaim your moxie.
About the Author
Are you a college student, young adult, or adult caught in a relationship with a narcissist and unsure of what to do? Melissa Mellon, LMFT, located in Orange County, CA, specializes in assisting individuals facing similar situations. With a focus on developing effective communication skills and fostering healthy relationships, Melissa provides a supportive space for you to explore and discover your path while dealing with a narcissistic partner. Her goal is to help you build a fulfilling life and ensure your well-being. If you’re grappling with these challenges, consider reaching out for a consultation to determine if Melissa is the right fit to support you on your journey of self-discovery.