You’re surrounded by people you love and who care about you, yet you still feel lonely. At parties, game nights, or even just hanging out, you can’t shake the feeling of feeling alone. You’ve tried going out and making new friends, but nothing seems to fill the void. And you’ve tried spending some time alone to recharge, but even then, the loneliness creeps back in. Is it normal to feel this way?
Let’s talk about it. The answer is, yes. It’s normal to feel lonely even when you have friends. Actually, a lot of people feel this way at some point in their lives. But just because it’s a common feeling, doesn’t mean it’s something that should be ignored or accepted as part of life. Feeling lonely isn’t most people’s cup of tea. So, why does it happen?
What is Loneliness?
As a therapist for loneliness in Orange County, CA, in my experience, loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected from others. It’s that sense of emptiness or isolation, even when you’re surrounded by people. This feeling can be triggered by a variety of factors. For example, a recent breakup, moving to a new city, or even just feeling misunderstood by the people around you. Or, you’re going through something none of your friends can relate to, leaving you feeling like no one understands.
Some people may feel lonely because they lack close relationships, you could be one of them. While others, have plenty of friends but still feel alone because those friendships are superficial or unfulfilling. Loneliness and how it feels is different for everyone and can manifest in various ways. But one thing is for sure, it’s a feeling that can take a toll on your mental health.
Loneliness is Kind of a Paradox
One of the reasons why feeling lonely is so challenging is that it’s a paradox. On one hand, you may crave connection and want to be around people. On the other hand, being around people can make you feel even more isolated when they don’t understand or meet your needs for connection. This can be a common feeling amongst HSPs (highly sensitive people) or introverts who need more meaningful connections. However, it can also happen to anyone, regardless of their personality type. But WHY does it feel as if there are different types of loneliness? That’s a great question.
Types of Loneliness
We’re all wired differently when it comes to how we connect with others. Some of us crave those deep, soulful connections. While others are okay with more casual friendships. When we don’t have those connections, we can feel different types of loneliness. There are three different types of loneliness.
Social Loneliness
The loneliness we often picture upon hearing “lonely” is exactly this. It’s about not having enough people around or finding it hard to befriend others. It’s that sense of being misunderstood, with no one to lean on when the going gets tough. Folks feeling this kind of loneliness might also battle with feeling left out or unsure about themselves. It can also feel like you’re on the outside looking in.
Emotional Loneliness
When your emotional needs aren’t being met, it’s called emotional loneliness. This kind of loneliness is when we don’t have those deep connections with others that fulfill our emotional needs. For example, having someone who understands us and can empathize with what we’re going through. Without these connections, we can feel like our emotions are not valid or that no one gets us.
Existential Loneliness
This is the type of loneliness that creeps in when you question your place in the world and wonder about life’s meaning. It’s feeling disconnected from a greater purpose or struggling to find significance in your existence. It can be an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and isolation, even when you have people in your life. All of this can lead to depression, and this is where solutions like online therapy for depression in Orange County, CA can come in handy.
Reasons Why You Might Feel Lonely Even with Friends
Even when you are hanging out with friends, if the connections are not as deep or fulfilling as you would like, that can contribute to your feelings of loneliness. Especially if all of your friendships are surface-level, without any real substance or support. Additionally, if you feel like your friends don’t understand you or can’t relate to what you’re going through, that can also lead to feelings of loneliness.
When you are feeling misunderstood or unheard by those around you, especially your friends, it’s natural to feel disconnected and alone. This can happen for a variety of reasons, such as different interests or values, lack of communication, or even unresolved conflicts. When friends or loved ones don’t fully appreciate your thoughts, feelings, or experiences, it can create a barrier to true connection, making you feel isolated even in their company.
Vulnerability and Fear of Rejection
One aspect that can add to why you may feel lonely even with friends is the fear of vulnerability and rejection. It’s natural to want to open up and connect with others on a deeper level, but at the same time, it can be scary. The thought of opening up and then being rejected or judged by your friends can be why you choose to keep your guard up and push people away. However, how can anyone truly understand you and connect with you if you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable? Also, why might you fear rejection or judgment from your friends?
Changes in Life Circumstances (e.g., Moving, Job Changes)
When huge changes in your life happen, whether positive or negative, it can lead to feelings of loneliness. For example, moving to a new city or starting a new job can mean leaving behind close friendships and having to start over with building connections. This change can be especially challenging if you’re an introvert or HSP who takes time to open up and form meaningful relationships.
It takes time and effort to build new friendships, leaving you feeling lonely during this transitional period. Also, if your life change is negative, such as going through a breakup or losing a job, it can feel like your support system has suddenly disappeared. It can feel as if you’re there for your friends but when you need them, they’re nowhere to be found. This can make you feel even lonelier.
Internal Struggles and Mental Health Factors
Also, your internal struggles and mental health can contribute to your feelings of loneliness, regardless if you have friends or not. Mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety, or social anxiety can make it challenging to form and maintain meaningful connections. It may also lead you to isolate yourself from others, making it difficult for anyone to reach out and connect with you.
Additionally, if you are dealing with unresolved trauma or past experiences that have caused you pain, it can manifest as feelings of loneliness and isolation. For instance, if you have trust issues from past betrayals, it can make it hard to open up and form genuine connections with others. It’s important to address these internal struggles and seek support when needed to help overcome feelings of loneliness.
How to Cope with Loneliness
Now we know what might be causing your loneliness, but what do you do about it? Finding ways to cope with your loneliness can help improve your overall well-being and lead to more fulfilling connections with others. Here are a few suggestions on how to combat loneliness:
Create Deep Connections with Others
You’re tired of superficial friends who don’t truly understand you? Then seek out friendships that are more meaningful and fulfilling. Look for people who share similar interests, values, and communication styles as you. When you share common interests or even life experiences, it’s easier to connect on a deeper level. Additionally, don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable! Potential friends can’t get to know you if you don’t allow yourself to be seen.
Quality is Better Than Quantity
Now, this saying isn’t always true, but when it comes to friendships? It’s really important. Having a lot of friends who you don’t really connect with isn’t an advantage when it comes to loneliness. Instead, focus on building genuine connections with a few people who truly understand and support you. Finding friends, like the ones on your favorite TV show may not be realistic (let’s be real, Friends was not realistic), but having one or two close friends who feel like family can make a huge difference.
Seek Professional Support
Sometimes when loneliness doesn’t end, gets worse, or is accompanied by other mental health concerns, it might be time to seek professional support. No one wants to feel as if they are the only one in a crowded room, so a therapist for loneliness in Orange County, CA can help! Therapy can help you uncover any underlying issues contributing to your loneliness and provide tools and strategies to cope with it. With the support of a therapist, you can learn how to forge deeper connections and weed out any friendships that do not serve you anymore- or at all. Remember, sometimes letting go of toxic friendships is necessary for your well-being.
Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you have to constantly feel that way! Whether it’s to recharge your social battery, read a book, or watch TV, taking time for yourself is important. However, when you feel like you’re constantly alone even in a crowded room, seeking support can help you find out the WHY and how to cope. Remember, loneliness is a common human experience, and with the right tools and support, you can overcome it.
Combat Loneliness with a Therapist for Loneliness in Orange County, CA
Feeling alone and disconnected from others is a difficult experience, but it doesn’t have to be your reality. If you’re struggling with loneliness, seeking support from a therapist can help. As a therapist for loneliness in Orange County, CA, at Moxie Family Therapy, myself and my team can help you uncover the root causes of your loneliness and provide tools to cope with it. With our support, you can build meaningful connections and live a more fulfilling life. Whether it’s online therapy in California or in-person therapy, we are here to help you overcome loneliness and find your moxie. To start your therapy journey with Moxie Family Therapy, please follow these simple steps:
- Contact Moxie Family Therapy
- Meet with a caring therapist
- Forge Deeper Connections- Find Your Moxie and Live a More Fulfilled Life!
Other Therapy Services Offered at Moxie Family Therapy
At Moxie Family Therapy, we know loneliness is just one of the many challenges you may be facing in your life. That’s why we offer a variety of online therapy services catered to your unique needs and preferences. We provide our therapeutic services online and in person at our Orange County, CA-based practice. We offer counseling for young adults, children, women, teens, and couples. Additionally, we offer therapy for therapists, clinical supervision, adoption therapy, art therapy, and play therapy. Our team is also happy to support the LGBTQ+ community. Contact us today and learn how we can help you reclaim your moxie.
About the Author
Feeling lonely and in search of support? Melissa Mellon, LMFT, located in Orange County, CA, specializes in helping individuals tackle loneliness and promotes a nurturing environment for personal growth. With a focus on enhancing your well-being and connection with others, Melissa provides a safe space for you to discuss and work through feelings of isolation. Her goal is to help you build stronger relationships and improve your overall quality of life. If you’re struggling with loneliness, consider reaching out to Melissa for a consultation to see how she can support you in finding the connection and support you need.